As I sit here tonight, my heart is so heavy. My day started out okay but then it ended on the worst possible note. The morning was pretty ordinary with a trip to Target to buy some stuff to make a soup I had been wanting to try. Since I have three very energetic children at home, I told them as I do frequently that they could have some candy if they behaved in the store. Both boys chose bags of Swedish fish. When we got home we had lunch and then they wanted to go outside to play. They took their candy with them. After less than 5 minutes Spencer came running in with a skinned finger and a bruised face. He had been holding onto his skooter handlebars with only one hand as he was holding his candy in the other. As a result he fell down. No big deal really. The finger got a band aid and the bruise on his face was not that bad. Typical 5 year old stuff.
Well by about 4pm, the kids were entering what I call witching hour. They seem to get that much more hyper. I sent them downstairs to play since I was tired of them jumping on my furniture. And don't feel sorry for them. The whole basement is devoted to their entertainment. Toys, train table, TV, couches. I was turning my attention to vacuuming and dinner when I heard a bad scream coming from downstairs. Up came Leia with Nathan. She told me that he and Spencer had been wrestling and Spencer had pushed him backwards and he had hit his head on the edge of the train table. I took a look at his head and sure enough he had a very bloody gash, worse than Spencer just had from falling off the stool in McDonalds.
It would be an understatement to say I felt like throwing up. Luckily Gary walked through the door at that exact moment and took him immediately to Urgent Care. He also insisted that Spencer go to witness what it would be like to see Nathan receive his 5 staples. As it happens, the gash was too close to his neck to be able to give him an anasthetic so Spencer got quite a show. It upsets me quite a bit to think that Nathan had to just get the staples and scream all the way through but a part of me is glad that Spencer got to see it and I hope it brings home to him the seriousness of his actions. Gary told me that while I was out yesterday with Leia, Spencer pushed Nathan backwards fairly roughly and got disciplined as a result. So what do you do when they just continue the behaviour?
Right now, I just feel like I have nothing left in me to give. I spend all day trying to bring these children up to be good people with a sense of responsibility and respect for others. It takes all I have on a daily basis. And Spencer does this.
At the Urgent Care where we took Spencer last month for his staples, the staff were apparently looking at Gary with a certain amount of suspicion. On the way out, the doctor looked at Spencer's face and asked him how he got the briuse. Spencer, no doubt shocked by the proceedings said nothing and Gary and I had not had a chance to discuss our days since he walked in the door and then walked right out again with a banged up Nathan so he could provide no explanation.
That right there deflated Gary. He walked in the door and he was tense. And when he told me that I became tense and am still tense to tell the truth. Parenting is hard enough without the thought that you are being judged and could easily be reported to Child Protective Services. I don't want to be a nervous mother but the next few weeks are going to be difficult. Thank goodness that school starts again tomorrow. It's going to be the boys and myself in the morning and just me and Nathan in the afternoon. It's so obvious to me that Spencer has been bored this week and he needs some more stimulation. I don't know what I am going to do about letting the kids play downstairs unsupervised now.
Needless to say, Spencer has had strict instructions that there is to be absolutely no more wrestling under any circumstances. But then what evidence do I have that he is going to obey us? He pushed Nathan again today after he did it yesterday and got into a lot of trouble.
I sometimes wonder what it would be like not to love these children like I do. It's so emotionally taxing. Would it be easier if I loved them less?
For anyone who might be reading this I am sorry to be on such a downer but that's the way I'm feeling right now. I think that by the time these kids are raised I will weigh 5000lbs due to all the chocolate I need to get me through the day to day. Now come on cyberspace. I seriously need some good vibes tonight!
3 comments:
How. Frustrating. I am so sorry for your past few days! You are such a great mom! When I read about what Spencer was doing, I seriously thought - that's typical for his age. Don't be so hard on yourself. If you want to chat more - I'm here for you. (((HUGS))) xoxo
Wow... what a night. It sounds like you're just so overwhelmed with it all. I can so relate, I have so many days/weeks like that. How frustrating for you and Gary to not only feel sick about the whole situation, but to feel like you have to defend yourselves too! One of these days you'll be able to laugh about the adventures your boys put you through!
I wish I could be there, to give you a hug... and share that chocolate! :) Hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Miss you!
I love you Sarah!! I couldn't help but laugh about your chocolate comment---mostly because I can soooo seriously relate! Somehow we have avoided needing stitches. (knock on wood)
One thing I actually saw tonight that I am absolutely going to start up in our home is from Supernanny. It's all about making a visual statement of the home rules and placing it where the children can always see it. I know you are really good about the whole time out thing---as for us we are too, but it doesn't always seem to work. I like how she wrote out a routine with the family that she also posted for the kids to see. I want to include pictures on mine for the pre-readers. But I think the thing I was most interested in was a reward system for the oldest boy. She put labels for each of the things he was expected to do on these colored, plastic cups. Each day when he did them he got to fill them to the line with water, then pour into a large cylindrical flask that corresponded to the colors of each of the cups. At the bottom was a ball. The goal was to make the ball float to the top. He loved it! Something like that for the one who really needs some motivation and positive reenforcement will hopefully do wonders. She also encouraged lots of praise from the parents when they DID catch their son choosing good behavior. Focusing on the positive is so important and you are always an optimistic one!
I had one of those days today where it seems like the kids did nothing but tattling fighting and ignoring me. It didn't help that E is on call tonight. I ended up just cuddling with the older boys and we chatted and read some in the scriptures together before bedtime. This really helped to melt away so many of the days' frustrations. I feel your pain! Good luck and let me know if anything works for you!(If you go to abc.com and watch the latest episode of Supernanny--the one listed as having Supernanny teaching this family's nanny what to do--you can get a better feel for the positive reinforcement strategies I told you about. )
Post a Comment