I know I'm supposed to be feeling thankful all month but this morning I need to vent just a little. Sometimes I feel I was dealt a difficult family dynamic. Having a girl for my eldest child and then three boys to follow. Leia craves my attention, she craves time away from her brothers from time to time. She is the ultimate girly girl with plenty of tomboy thrown in. She's a contradiction, she's complicated and emotional. Add to that three boys who love noise, wheels, lego battles, fun, fun, fun. (Well Oliver at 9 months is not quite there yet but I can tell he's going to be just like his older brothers)
This morning was a case in point. Because I was closing my eyes and trying to block out the chaos and noise - it was only 7am afterall, I don't know exactly how things went down. There was a lot of screaming, slamming doors, and tears. The word "butthole" was used maybe more than once. You see Leia doesn't want to be disturbed in her bedroom first thing in the morning yet she feels it's okay to stand in the doorway of Spencer and Nathan's room and ask them questions etc... This then invites them to engage with her and then all out war ensues.
Mornings have been a struggle for a while. My long running and hardly ever adhered to rule is that little people need to stay in their bedrooms and remain quiet until 7.30am when it is time to get up. We have a sleeping baby and Mommy who don't want to be jarred out of peaceful slumber by slamming doors and insults and/or an all out party. Perhaps I am asking too much but I lean toward the philosophy that I spend much of my waking hours serving my family so the least they can do is remain quiet until 7.30am. Being woken up like that really makes me feel grumpy and it's hard to shake. I was less than nice to everyone first thing and when Leia tried to apologise for her part in the proceedings I got even more angry and she was in floods of tears. Nothing irritates me more than apologies every morning for disobeying my one rule when I know tomorrow is going to be no different. When I was a kid I was taught that saying sorry meant you didn't do it again. The definition's a bit different in our house.
So TV was banned and will continue to be during the morning for Nathan and also after school. I also came up with this off-the-cuff idea that I am hoping will work. Leia and Spencer have Wednesday through Friday off school and I would REALLY like not to have to be woken up early on those days.
I drew up a contract laying out what I expect. All three kids have signed it and dire consequences await those who break their contractual obligations.
Here is the contract.
1. I will remain quiet until Mom or Dad get up to include no shouting, screaming or slamming doors.
2. I will stay out of any bedroom except my own which also includes no standing in doorways to ask questions or make observations.
3. I will not come upstairs and take food or any other items from the kitchen, living room or library.
I have three signatures indicating that they understand the expectations and they are prepared to give up any or all of the Thanksgiving festivities like movie going, cooking, shopping, game playing and Christmas decorating should they decide that bothering each other before 7.30am is more fun. It sounds extremely logical and a total no brainer to me but kids don't always operate logically.
Of course I won't be able to ban all the things I've promised to because I love them too. I am just hoping and praying that having TV banned for the whole of today will convince them I'm serious and that they will make good decisions.
I must say it's hard to guide your children. To help them to respect each other and those around them. It gets harder the older they get because they become susceptible to outside influences as well. I'm glad I have the strength to see this through and the desire. I think it's very easy to begin parenthood lightly with a head full of gorgeous babies but the reality is far from romantic. You have to be committed to the hard work and heartache that accompanies the responsibility. That's not to say it's not rewarding. It's the most fulfilling and joyful undertaking of my life.
1. I am thankful to be the mother of 4 healthy and energetic children.
2. I am thankful for the support of my husband in this journey. Together I think we can do anything.
3. I am thankful for the support of my extended family in the raising of my children. I often call my sister and mother needing desperately that little bit of advice or at least a sounding board for my latest discipline technique.
4. I am thankful that I have blogged about many of the struggles I've had in motherhood. Maybe wisdom will result from all this eventually and I can pass it on when my own children are parents.
5. I am thankful for the way I was brought up. I don't remember the specifics of how I was disciplined at all but what I do remember is the feeling that was in my home. It was unfiltered love and security. One place I always wanted to be was home and now approaching Christmastime I think about it a lot. About my Dad cooking Christmas dinner, about my Mum lifting me up as a very small child to open a door on an advent calendar, about my Dad drawing clues and placing them around the house so we could find an early gift on Christmas eve, and about the treats we'd make on Christmas Eve that I still make to this day.
2 comments:
I like the contract idea. I hope they can understnad it enough to see to it that they follow, but you're right, kids are kids! So good luck! What I'd like to know is how late does your school start cause if I was able to stay in bed until 7:30 I would, but I have to drop the kids off by then! (Lucky!)
Just remember, your parents had three kids, two of which were girls! one of which at least was a perfect angel! So, don't feel so frustrated! hee hee Boys are defintely a challenge to focus all the energy into positive outlets.
Ug. There are few things that are quite as annoying as waking up to fighting. We have the same rule about getting out of bed before 7:30. It sounds like you've got some good ideas to combat the problem. Good luck!
Post a Comment